Podcast Videos
Every few weeks, I have the privilege of guest podcasting with Fiachra O'Sullivan (fondly known as Figs), my mentor and friend, on his podcast Come Here to Me. He is the founder of Empathi Counseling, a San Francisco-based couples therapy practice where I have worked as a counselor for the past four years in addition to my private practice. In these episodes, we discuss aspects of couples counseling from the EFT, attachment-based perspective, to help whoever is watching or listening to understand and improve their own relationship. These episodes and the others on the podcast offer tons of valuable insight on issues that arise in relationship. Enjoy!
01
Cycle Chasers
Healthy couples work as a team against The Cycle… but how do they know they're in it? Figs and Karen break down the signs of and steps in the negative infinity loop that traps all couples: The Cycle, a concept from Emotionally-Focused Therapy. A cycle is the negative "infinity loop" every couple inevitably encounters in their relationship, which shows up for partners as conflict they get into over and over. Download the Infinity Loop Sheet:
02
Being a Couples Therapist
Karen and Figs share the sweetest and hardest parts of being a couples therapist.
03
Can Your Toxic Relationship Be Saved? Signs vs. Triggers
Figs and Karen discuss how to navigate relationships that trigger feelings similar to traumatic past relationships. It is a couples therapist's job to help each of you understand the system and what is happening inside each of you, not to convince you to stay together. You always have the right to say that you don't want to explore the system you create together, that their behavior is too much for you to tolerate, and to walk away.
If you are experiencing domestic violence or threat of violence, you need to seek safety and professional help away from the relationship. Please reach out for help online or by phone at https://www.thehotline.org | 1-800-799-7233
When the behavior is scary because it's triggering, not because it's dangerous, exploring your system together is often worthwhile. Ultimately, if you are able to go through the process to understand your cycle and each other with the right therapist, you will grow to better trust your judgment, regardless of your relationship status.
04
Facing Impossible Moments in Relationship
What do you do when there are no moves left? In this video Figs and Karen discuss a moment every couple will experience throughout their relationship—being so reactive and so hurt they are simply unable to move forward. Figs and Karen also discuss the value of "meta-processing" for integrating moments of healing in a couple's relationship.
05
Don't Break Up Without This
Figs and Karen discuss the surprising role empathy plays in relationship repair AND relationship endings. Even when couples therapy clients decide to sever their bond, empathy is essential for each partner's healthy understanding of relationships and themselves. Otherwise, not only can they carry resentment which negatively affects their future relationships, they may harbor negative core beliefs about themselves such as "I'm too much" and "I'm not enough."
06
How Do Couples Heal After a Betrayal?
As couples therapists, Figs and Karen explore deeply the many different kinds of betrayal that the "betrayed" has felt for their benefit, but also so that the "betrayer" can recognize it and emulate that empathetic support. Then, there is space to explore the "betrayer's pain in the present moment and what they were seeking through the affair or other betrayal.
07
Therapists Break Down the Saddest Succession Scene
What happens when you don't get love? Figs and Karen break down a scene from Succession and its thematic ties to the "Sigma male" movement.